The only time a fat, lazy, hairy guy with no balls has stolen my heart.
Hello, my name is Adora and I am a reformed cat hater. I admit it, but in all fairness I had a traumatic experience that lead to me to my cat cynicism. It all started when I was young…. Malaysia a young, energetic colorful cat with a crazy personality. She was an outdoor/indoor cat who was independent and mysterious. She had some bad habits, like clawing at your ankle when she was hungry but she was also very loyal, often following us to school as we walked in the morning. She was an OK cat, but every cat that came after her was a HOT MESS and I became adamant that I would not live with another cat.
If a cat is peeing in your dresser drawers and clawing up the carpet to get inside your room every night, leaves ear wax on your bed, I’d say you have an asshole cat.
These cats hold grudges, they don’t cuddle, they just gallivant around your house rubbing their butt holes on everything and glaring at you when you call their names. They are essentially a bad roommate with poor manners, but at least they have good hygiene (ever tried to give your cat a bath?). During the saga of hot mess cats, I became irrationally fearful of their claws and avoided having a cat walk on me at all costs- Just couldn’t take the risk of him getting freaked out and mauling me to death.
New Year’s Day 2016. Craigslist. PetSmart.
So in 2015 I bought a house in Atlanta and the house came with a complimentary cat- a tiny black thing that had never interacted with a human besides running away. I did try to domestic the cat (no name seemed to fit it, so I just called it Cat), I put out food and I let it live in my garage for the winter. Once, it did come inside the house but I quickly learned why you shouldn’t let feral cats into your home 1. it will spend all its time confused and 2. its hard AF to get it back out. But this interaction was enough for me to realize I wanted a cat- a real, loving cat. Where do you even get cats from? The cat farm? Turns out those don’t exist. The shelter? Yea I could have but the $50 adoption fee could have been better spent on food and accessories for the cat- see post college life for financial status. I know where to find a free cat….. Craigslist.
Now when you get on Craigslist looking for a free pet you have to take the same precautions as if you were getting anything else. Watch for creeps, check out the product, meet in a public place, text your mom the address, you know the usual. I didn’t know what “kind” of cat I wanted- I mean whats the difference in breeds?? No idea. I was scrolling, scrolling, looking at all the cute faces and I happened to find this male cat, 5 years old (I didn’t want a young inexperienced cat, I needed a mature, about his business cat) whose owner was giving him away for free because she planned to travel more. We agreed to meet at the Buckhead PetSmart on New Year’s Day, it was so exciting but nervous like a blind date- Would he like me? Is he an asshole? Well it turned out that he was just as nervous as I was as he fidgeted in his little animal print carrier. I didn’t do much of an assessment past looking at him, but I decided to take him off the cold Craigslist streets and bring him home anyways.
For the life of me I do not understand why, but his original name was Coco.
Coco the boy cat. That wasn’t gonna work for me, I’m sure it wasn’t working for him either. He was so fat and soft with these beautiful blue marble eyes and a perfect kitty nose, the first name I choose for him was Fat Puma Trap Cattington. Fat Puma was cool like the other side of the pillow, never really needing much attention but still present. He was lazy like a newborn baby after eating and furry like a childhood stuffed animal. I fell head over heels in love and started to accept my inevitable fate as a cat lady. His name stayed Fat Puma for about a month until friends pointed out how literally naming him FAT might affect his self esteem. Being a good parent is about doing what’s best for your child and after much deliberation on finding a meaningful name I decided to name him Pilot, in honor of my dad- an ex-flight line mechanic who always wanted to fly.
Pilot the Cat
Pilot the Cat is a double entendre- His name is Pilot but to pilot something is also to guide or lead. Our story is about getting to know each other, providing companionship when we needed it the most and discovering each others tricks- spoiler alert, Pilot plays fetch like a puppy! While I can claim I have guided my kitty to be more affectionate or led him to a life of leisure, I think it’s much more accurate to say that he has guided me to be more thoughtful, less serious and ultimately an unashamed cat lady (no dogs allowed).
Now when I go on vacation I consider how long my fur baby will be without me, I take him to get his nails trimmed every month like I do my own- I even googled “Cat Spa” I don’t even take myself to the spa! Everyday when I come home from work I can count on his consistency to find him on the end of my bed half asleep ready to put up with my human bullshit, but he still raises his nose to mine for our “cat kiss” greeting to say “I love you” and that my friends, is all that is right in the world.
The bond between a girl and her cat can never be broken- so suitors with cat allergies need not apply.